How counseling has helped me grow

Hey Everyone!

So much has happened since I last updated you all but instead of getting into all of that in this post. I would rather not updated constantly I will discuss these things in the blog posts to come. First, I wanted to discuss counseling. I'm sure a lot of people wonder what the importance of counseling is and how it can actually help you. I used to hate going to counseling and talking to a random stranger. I almost always had a counselor that was horrible and it sometimes changed my views on it. When I got older and needed someone to talk to other than people that I know about things going on with myself and life in general I did a better job at researching counselors and reading their bios. Last year in September a lot of life stuff happened a lot of things came up in my marriage and a lot of things were make or break it. I'm a very private person and I don't like to share very private things in regards to my marriage and what not to others or even on social media let alone a blog. I decided to come talk about counseling, and what I've learned from my sessions about myself because I think these things might be able to help someone if they are struggling in life or maybe in their marriage. 

Tips I've learned:

1. If you want something done a certain way then do it and don't expect the other person to do it your way. If it is really going to bother you that they are doing it in a different way than you want it then just do it yourself. It saves you both a lot of possible arguments and nitpicking in a way. 
2. In a marriage don't try to change the other person you are two different people with separate personalities and you'll come together to make it work you just have to work together to overcome differences and find solutions if possible.
3. My husband and I have a weekly sit down discussion about each week. Originally it felt very structured and it had to be a certain time limit 10-15 mins to avoid any possible arguments. With help of both of our counselors we have adjusted the way we do the weekly sit down discussion. For example, below is what we do:

• What went well?
• What can I improve on?
• What I appreciate of You? 

Each of those questions above has helped us move into a deeper connection and understanding. Instead of picking on the other person and pointing out flaws in the other person such as oh you did this and that and I hated when you did that. It gives us a better understanding of ourselves and what we need to work on improving rather than picking on each other. We become more self-aware and we are also able to see things different in the sense that we see more of what we appreciate of the other person rather than always focusing on the bad. 

     4. Its okay to take time for yourself sometimes and not feel bad about it. Its okay to ask for space to do your own thing and relax. The relationship whether a marriage, not a marriage, or in general you can have YOU time. 

    5. One thing I've learned from an online marriage 365 webcast is that a true apology does not have a but in it. I admit I've done this before and it makes me rethink the way I apologize and make sure that I'm sincere in my apologies. 

I'm sure there are a few other tips I've learned but for now those are the main things at this moment. I've discussed a few family dynamic related things with my counselor and considering the toxic environment I grew up in and sometimes still am in despite being away from home my only thing that has helped me grow in this process is simply setting boundaries if my family members can't respect me or don't have positive things to say about anything I've done and are consistently negative or taking ownership of my responsibilities I continue to respond with kindness and persistence in a way by saying that I will not allow this and if it continues I will not be able to talk in the future. Of course at some points you have to just hang up the phone because someone has crossed those boundaries even despite attempts at telling them you expect this or that. This has been an ongoing process for many many years and I still haven't figured it out. All I can do is to never put any kind of anger on any one else and treat people the way I'd way to be treated and ultimately be kind about anything I ever say. I hate when someone makes me feel bad so why would I want to make them feel the same way? 

Have you ever been to counseling? If so, how has it helped you? and if not, what makes you not want to?